The many parents
that have worked with Open Arms are thrilled to share their experiences with prospective
parents. Here are some adoption experiences that might help you. If you have an experience
that you can share with other parents, please send it
to us and we'll post it.
Holding
Molly
I'm not sure there is an appropriate word that describes the emotions you feel when you
see your child for the first time, and she is placed in your arms.
My husband was first out of the waiting room, and presented our daughter, Molly, to
me-a unique role reversal. My first vision of Molly was of extraordinary eyes.
I was crying and managed to gasp: " Oh, she's so beautiful." Then I looked
at my husband's face as he walked towards me. It was a look that expressed both
sheer terror and pure joy. It occurred to me later that I probably had an identical
expression on my face.
Wild and Wonderful Emotions
Up until you get your proposal, everything is an intellectual exercise. After you get
the offer, which includes a photo and a medical report, everything becomes very real. Then
time starts to move very slowly. If you did as we did and had the photo enlarged and
placed on your bedroom dresser, suddenly you've gained a family member.
Speaking of wild emotions, here are the top ten wild emotional moments:
10. Looking at the picture for the first time (the photo arrives sealed in an envelope;
who gets to open it - you or your spouse?)
9. Arriving in China and driving down the street and seeing the chaos and
"foreignness" for the first time -- Bring lots of film. We took along two rolls
thinking that it would be plenty. We brought home seven rolls. Now we are sorry we didn't
bring a camcorder. By the way, take pictures of everything, even if you wouldn't normally.
My memory of the trip is starting to fade and I wish I had a photo to jog my memory.
8. The first time you are able to coax a smile from the baby -- Up until then, our baby
was looking very apprehensive. It took two days to get a smile.
7. The first time she takes something from you to eat or drink -- You realize then how
little there was to eat before you arrived.
6. When the nanny holds out the baby to you (who gets to take the baby first?) -- It's
a wild frenzy as parents meet their children for the first time. You'll hear people
crying, laughing, shouting as well as dumbfounded into silence.
5. Every time you are mobbed by people on the streets -- They're friendly, just
curious. You have become a tourist attraction.
4. The first poop and you realize that its stickier (and stinkier) than you thought and
you thought that the diaper tape is in front.
3. You arrive home and the whole family is there to greet you -- More crying, laughing,
shouting as well as being dumbfounded into silence.
2. When you sign and seal (with a thumb print) the contract with the Chinese government
promising to care, love, and educate the baby -- They interview you and ask you questions
like what are you long term plans for the wellbeing of the baby. More realism.
1. You have arrived home and go through immigration where they officially recognize the
baby as a landed immigrant. She's really yours.
By the way, we're first time parents and questioned whether we were ready to be good
parents. Now that we have had our daughter for 3.5 months, we know we couldn't have made a
better decision. It's as if she has been with us forever. Until two years ago, I never
wanted to be a parent. Now we are thinking about going back for a second child!
All over the map but home again
Overwhelming excitement. Unbound elation. Endless stress. Bone-wearying relief.
That's what you can expect as you go through the adoption process in China. We're
writing this a week and a half after arriving home with our wonderful, new baby girl so
we're still feeling the glow from the experience. Our senses are just now dulling from the
trip. For weeks we have been at the edge of our emotions, flipping from delight to despair
in minutes.
Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news first? Why don't we save the good
news to last, just like when it's all over and you're home safe, happy, and relieved.
The bad news is that if you thought that travelling in France or Germany was different,
wait till you get to China! Not only don't you speak the language, but the country smells
differently (not bad, just differently). You're afraid to drink the water, people stare at
you in the street, some of the food doesn't look like anything you've ever seen—holy
smokes, it's a scene out of a fantasy movie.
On the other hand, the good news is that China is the most fascinating place we are
likely ever to visit. The pictures we have seen through our lives strung into real life.
There's the Great Wall and it really is great. The Forbidden City and the Lama Temple look
like sets from a movie. You're sharing all this with your spouse and new baby. You
couldn't ask for more.
As for our other fears. We drank lots of bottle water, which is available almost
everywhere. The people might stare but its a mixture of astonishment, amusement, and
curiosity at seeing westerners with Chinese babies. You'll attract a crowd everywhere you
go but the people are open and friendly. It is also very obvious that they adore children
and wish you and baby their best. (We actually miss the adoration!)
If you have an adventurous palate, you'll be in heaven in China. Our hotel in Hefei,
the location of the orphanage, had three restaurants featuring local and western cuisine.
In the Chinese restaurant, you can eat and drink like a king and queen for less than $20.
Try that in Canada! In Beijing, the hotel had five restaurants, a disco, two bars, and a
karaoke bar. In both cases, you could be in a Sheraton or Hilton anywhere in Canada,
except the hotel in China will be fancier.
If you are apprehensive about the trip, don't be. With the right preparation, you'll do
fine. The most difficult part of the trip was coping with becoming parents. Of course, we
read the books, guinea pigged on assorted nephews and nieces, and got advice from anyone
who has ever been near a kid—the reality is both better and worse.
Everything else from the crowds to the food to the language is pretty straight forward.
If you travel with a group, like we did, there's lots of moral support, advice, and
helping hands. Our experience had a few bumps along the way, as yours will. But the long
wait and our anxieties are forgotten every time we look at our happy, healthy, curious and
beautiful nine month old baby girl. People tell us that Rachel is a lucky girl, but we
always answer we are the lucky ones.
In the end we truly enjoyed the experience and would do it all over again. We bet
you'll feel the same way too.
